For some kids, bedtime is not peaceful. It can feel like a battlefield of busy thoughts, restlessness, and big feelings. While many children fall asleep with ease, others struggle, and the reasons can be complex.
Why Some Brains Struggle at Night
Anxiety
Worries have a way of getting louder when the world is quiet. Kids may replay the day in their minds or imagine scary “what ifs.”ADHD
Many ADHD brains are “night owls.” Their alertness peaks just as the rest of the world is winding down. ADHD also affects melatonin production, making it harder to fall asleep naturally.Sensory Processing
Some kids are hyperaware of pajamas, sheets, noises, or light. What feels cozy to one child may feel unbearable to another.Other Factors
Stress, trauma, and even certain medications can make sleep harder.
The Importance of Self-Soothing
Self-soothing means having tools to calm your body and mind without needing someone else to do it for you. When kids do not develop this skill early, it can be harder later to break habits like co-sleeping or needing a parent to stay in the room.
Infants and toddlers begin experimenting with self-soothing around 6 to 12 months with thumb sucking or holding a blanket. Preschoolers often test bedtime boundaries and may show new fears or resistance between ages 3 and 5. Elementary years, ages 5 to 10, are prime for learning independent sleep skills. By the time children reach 10 and beyond, habits like co-sleeping can be very hard to shift.
Parents can still help. Co-regulating with tools such as sitting with your child while guiding them through relaxation strategies is a powerful way to teach. The key is to make it intentional. The long-term goal is for your child to pick up those tools on their own and use them to self-regulate.
Helpful Tools for Co-Regulating
Meditation and Breathwork to Calm the Nervous System
Meditation doesn't have to be complicated. For kids, it often works best when it is playful, short, and guided.-
Breathing Buddies
Have your child lie down with a stuffed animal on their belly. As they breathe in and out, the animal goes for a "ride." This teaches deep belly breathing in a fun, visual way. -
Five-Finger Breathing
Show your child how to trace their fingers slowly. Breathe in as they move up one finger, and out as they move down. It is a simple trick that gives them something to do while breathing deeply. -
Guided Meditations
Look for meditations designed specifically for children. These can be found in books, flash cards, podcasts, or apps. Choose meditations that are short, gentle, and soothing, with calm voices and simple imagery. -
Magic Color Breathing
Invite your child to imagine a calming color coming in with their breath, and a yucky or stressful color leaving as they breathe out. This visualization helps kids connect breath with emotional release.
Keep meditations short at first. Just two or three minutes is plenty. What matters most is building comfort and routine. Over time, these tools become part of their wind-down process.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
This is a powerful tool for calming the body, especially when kids feel restless or wiggly at bedtime. Help your child focus on one part of their body at a time.Be creative and engage as many senses as you can:
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"Imagine you work in a lemonade factory. To squeeze the lemons, you have to use different parts of your body. Start with your hands and squeeze the lemons tight. Can you smell how fresh and yummy they are? Now use the inside of your elbows. Press them in like lemon smashers. Behind your knees, twist and squeeze like you're juicing with your legs. See how many different ways you can squeeze. Now the work is done, and it's time to relax. Let your whole body go soft like a lemon that’s been completely squished."
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"Pretend your body is made of ice. Every part is frozen and tight. Squeeze your shoulders like they are blocks of ice. Clench your fists, freeze your legs, even your eyebrows. Hold it... frozen solid. Now the sun comes out. You are melting into a puddle. Let your body get soft and drippy. Your arms are puddles. Your legs are puddles. Your tummy is mushy and relaxed."
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"What if you were a robot that got left out in the rain? You're all rusty and stuck. Let me see if I can get you moving again." Have your child resist as you try moving different body parts. "Looks like I'm going to have to get the oil can." Pretend to oil up your robot and encourage your kid to be super floppy now... "Oops, I used too much!"
These progressive body scans teach body awareness and help release hidden tension. It also gives your child something concrete to focus on when their thoughts feel scattered.
Changing the Channel
When anxious or intrusive thoughts pop up at bedtime, kids often feel stuck with them. Remind your child, "Bedtime is not a time for thinking about worries. It's a time to prepare your brain for sweet dreams." (You can set aside a brief time for that earlier in the day if necessary.) Teaching a child how to change the channel in their mind gives them a sense of control.Try adding one of these to your bedtime routine:
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"Pretend you have a remote control for your brain. Tell me about your favorite channels." You might need to give some examples of your own favorite channels, "I love the cooking channel, the Alaskan Cruise that we went on last year channel, and the Saturday morning cuddling in bed with you and Daddy channel."
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Invite them to build a magical dream story together, like flying on a dragon or visiting a land made out of candy and treats. "What do you wish you could dream about tonight? Let's close our eyes and imagine it together."
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Keep a happy memory jar by the bed and pull one out at bedtime. "Let's close our eyes and see how much we can remember about it. I loved how the sea smelled. The water was so warm, and the beach towels were so fluffy. It feels like I'm really there!"
The goal is to gently guide the brain toward safety and calm.
Best Practices for Sleep Hygiene
Healthy sleep habits are just as important as relaxation tools. A few essentials include:
Limit Screen Time
Try to avoid electronics 1–2 hours before bed. Blue light delays melatonin release and keeps the brain alert. Media with slow content (like a documentary) is better than dopamine-pumping games or fast-paced YouTube videos. Screens that are farther away (like the television) have less of a disruptive impact than screens that are up close (game consoles and tablets).Consistent Routines
A predictable bedtime routine signals the body that it’s time to rest. Our neurodiverse kids thrive on predictability and routine. Don't underestimate the power of having a visual schedule to follow in the evening.Comfortable Environment
Cool, dark, and quiet rooms help most kids settle. Weighted blankets, body socks, or white noise machines may support sensory-sensitive children. Note that the circadian rhythm begins with exposure to sunlight in the morning, which tells the brain that it's time to be alert and triggers the release of melatonin approximately 12 hours later. Folks in areas that don't get much sunlight might benefit from a wake-up or sunrise lamp, which can help mimic morning light and support the sleep–wake cycle.Physical Activity
Daily movement that gets the heart pumping helps regulate sleep. But if it happens too close to bedtime, it might be overstimulating.
A Note on Melatonin
Melatonin has been a game changer for so many families. It's safe and effective for short-term use and can help with the transition into healthier sleep habits. Some kids (with ADHD, especially) may benefit from longer-term use. Always check with your pediatrician to see if melatonin would benefit your child.
Delight in This
Busy brains need intentional support at bedtime. By starting with co-regulation, introducing calming tools, and practicing healthy routines, you can help your child gradually master the skill of self-soothing. This is one of the best gifts you can give for a lifetime of restful sleep.
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