Truth Builds Trust - Family Conversations about Mental Health

When one family member is struggling and another is watching from the sidelines, some parents choose to keep things quiet. They may shy away from sharing a diagnosis in fear that their child will feel labeled, ashamed, or different.

Here’s the thing… kids already know when something is up, and when we don’t give them a story that makes sense, they’ll make one up. The ability to reflect on cause-and-effect relationships comes with the development of the prefrontal cortex, which doesn’t fully develop until adolescence. Until then, the internal narrative tends to skew bigger, badder, and scarier than the actual truth.

Why Silence Can Hurt Sibling Relationships

When one child has big challenges, it affects everyone. Maybe they hit, yell, or shut down. Maybe transitions are hard, or routines need to be adjusted for them. These big behaviors can be obvious and confusing to siblings.

Without a simple explanation, siblings may start to wonder:

• Why does she get away with that?

• Is he doing that on purpose?

• What is wrong with our family?

• Is it my fault?

The child who is struggling may wonder too:

• Why am I different?

• Why will no one talk about it?

• Am I bad?

Secrecy leads to confusion and shame. Transparency, on the other hand, builds empathy.

What Does Transparency Look Like?

There’s a lot of wiggle room when it comes to being transparent about mental health. Transparency means telling the truth in a way that feels safe, age-appropriate, and shame-free. You don’t need to use clinical terms or long explanations. Just enough for understanding.

“Every brain is different, and some brains are more sensitive than others. Your brother gets overwhelmed, and we’re helping him learn to calm down.”

“Your sister has something called anxiety. That means her brain sometimes thinks there is danger when there is not. She is learning how to feel safe again.”

“He needs help in that area right now. We make different plans for different kids, so everyone gets what they need.”

Scripts That Help

When a sibling is confused or upset:

“It feels like your sister gets all the attention. That is hard. I want to make sure you feel seen too.”

When a sibling asks why rules feel different:

“He is still learning to manage those feelings. You have already worked really hard on that skill.”

When a child doesn’t want a sibling to know they’re struggling:

“This is hard for you, and you wish we wouldn’t talk about it. We’ve recently learned that keeping this a secret will only increase your anxiety about it.”

Acknowledging that struggles are personal:

“This is not a secret, but it is personal. If someone outside the family has questions, you get to choose what to say. You can say, “That’s personal and I don’t want to talk about it.” Let me know if you want to practice.” 

Child Centered Tools for Talking About Mental Health

Use reflective responding

“You’re worried that your brother will tease you if he knows that you have ADHD.” 

Empower with choices 

“Our family doesn’t keep secrets. Let’s talk about what you’re comfortable sharing with your sister.” 

Describe behavior neutrally

“He’s feeling overwhelmed right now” instead of “He is having another tantrum.”

Create rituals of connection

Build in small, predictable moments where each child gets to feel special with one-on-one time

Use books, art, and play

Externalize the struggle. Normalize that brains work in lots of different ways.

Delight in This:

Open conversations about mental health at home make space for vulnerability, empathy, connection, and truth. When kids understand what is happening, they feel safer, and when they understand their siblings, they grow closer. Growing up in a family that talks about hard things with compassion gives them something lasting, a sense of pride in who they are and how their family supports one another.